With Mother’s Day fast approaching Zoe Robinson, our Children Specialist, discusses how to agree matters so that the day can be stress free for separated parents.
Whether you have agreed your child arrangements around the kitchen table, through solicitor negotiation; through mediation or another form of Non-Court Dispute Resolution; or have a Child Arrangements Order, often the special days such as Mother’s Day and Father’s Day can be tricky to navigate. If these days fall on a weekend that the children would not normally be with the parent whose special day it is, difficulties can arise. Agreeing these things early on is always best. It means that everyone knows where they stand, and the children can get on with planning that lovely breakfast in bed!
Often the best approach has been to agree that regardless of whose weekend it is with the children, they should spend special days with the parent whose celebration it is, this could be for the whole day or for some of the day (letting mum have that all important lie in!). If that is simply not possible then putting some time aside to allow a video call can be a good middle ground. Other little gestures such as getting the children to make cards and/or gifts can also be a good way of showing the children that despite their parents’ separation from each other, they are both able to acknowledge the importance of the other parent in their children’s life, leaving the children feeling secure and not concerned about a divided loyalty. Try and remember that these days are about the children celebrating their parents and making memories that will last a lifetime. Put the children at the centre of any plans and decisions that you are making.
If, you are in a same sex separation, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day could be trickier when trying to work out who should get to spend the day with the children. Perhaps you wish to split the day down the middle or have an alternate year celebration. Alternatively, simply celebrating on a different day might work best for your family situation.
If you find that you on your own without your children on these particular days, try and stay away from social media and plan something nice for yourself – perhaps a pamper day; a film afternoon or going out with friends. Make new traditions and arrange, if you can, a video call with your children.
It is important to remember that no one families’ circumstances are the same and what works for one separated family may not work for another. Sitting down and planning together how you will deal with these days, in advance, whatever the situation is likely to be the best way to be successful in ensuring that these special days can be celebrated. Setting new traditions that work for your family can often put a positive spin on what may otherwise be a triggering event. Getting legal advice early on about these issues can ensure that you are aware of your legal position going into any discussions and are able to come to a more appropriate and workable solution, that is child focused, more quickly.
If you would like to speak to one of our specialist family lawyers, for any family related issues, please get in touch on enquiries@fsmsolicitors.co.uk